Monday, August 31, 2015

The Journey

You don't realize how long 15 hours is until you're on the edge of making a huge life change, you've just said goodbye to your dogs and left your home for at least 4 years, you're sitting next to your husband who is leaving you in a foreign land in t-minus 2-weeks and you are in a tiny, cramped little space. 15 hours, is a long time. I feel like the course of the plane's journey, almost mocked my own.

For those of you who have not been on a plane to Asia from the USA, the flight path takes the shortest route, which is north through Alaska. We start heading north right out of O'Hare at around 4pm. This meant we would be flying in front of the sun most of the time, as days get longer the further north you go. The land is green, but flat, speckled with reflective lakes and rivers. My emotions were fairly smooth. It was familiar ground as we glided over Wisconsin and Minnesota. Then we started over mid- northern Canada. Beneath us was water scarred land, few trees and the green that was visible was nearly brown. I started to feel alone and drained, myself. The weight of my decisions was hitting me. Gradually, the water scarred landscape turned into foothills which drastically grew into mountains covered in feet of snow! Glaciers and snow rivers, mud rivers, bare rock, shiny ice peaks reflecting the bright sun, images I have never seen before, glared at me from below. I lost it. I was on a one- way flight to a place I had never been, to start a program I hardly know anything about and I left my dogs! I felt the mountains. I felt the layers of ice and snow and mud. But as the plane kept flying, I kept going. We cleared the mountains of snow and turned south, over the calm waters of the Pacific.

As the darkness caught up with us, mine started to brighten. The lights of Hong Kong gently lit up the sky, and I prepared myself for our descent into my new life, my new home, my new reality.



Saturday, August 29, 2015

In the beginning...

I am starting this a little late considering I am already in Hong Kong. So, let's rewind a bit. I am a vivid dreamer, in reality and at night when I sleep. The week before I left for this insane journey, every night was filled with a different imaginary city. I did little to no research on Hong Kong on purpose. I like to have no expectations of a place before jumping in. My first dream was super sized.

Doug was driving me and we were headed in the direction of Detroit, but it obviously wasn't Detroit at all. We were going up and down these huge roadways and highways, 10 lanes wide. There were huge Sears Tower- sized cranes and scaffolding above us as we drove in and out of this vast, abandoned industrial landscape. We were the size of mites compared to everything else around us. When we reached our destination, it was very European. The streets were all the sudden very narrow and the houses tightly packed together. We found the house that I was going to move in to and it was right on the water. What water?? I don't know! But looking north across whatever body of water it was, there were huge snow capped mountains and there was floating ice drifting toward my window. In my dream, I remember feeling very far away from home.

In another dream, Doug and I had landed in what looked like Blade Runner. It was nighttime all the time with bright city lights. Graphics floated in mid-air advertising noodle shops, phone carriers and spas. No one looked at us or even acknowledged our presence. In this dream, we had very little direction and basically had our mouths open the whole time. While the emotions and the imagery were very thick in the dream, the story line was not.

The week leading up to my departure, seemed to go very fast and also very slow. I went through much self doubt. To all the people who think I made this choice look easy, it was not. I am a lover of life. My life in Wisconsin, was a dream life. I was very happy there. But there were things missing from my future that I was not going to grow old without. I can love "moments" fully and I do. But when people say they have a dream, they don't just mean they have ideas. Having a dream means pushing yourself to do things you would not normally do to achieve something that you haven't already achieved. As far as I'm concerned, being scared and uncomfortable forces you to grow. I am ready to grow. But I am totally terrified and constantly wonder if this was the right thing. I am human. This doubt doesn't change my path.